Mini Goal March 4, 2008

I want to reach my mini goal by Easter.  Last week I thought I only had 3 lbs to go to hit my new goal and I was wrong.  I had 6 lbs to go.  I’ve still got 6 lbs to go!  I didn’t lose any weight last week.  I did gain 2 lbs, but they are gone.  Last week DH worked one day and we lifted weights the other 4 days.  This week DH has off one day, my main focus this week will be cardio.  Yesterday I walked 65 min on the treadmill. 

When I did the National Body Challenge, one of the perks was an 8 week membership to PodFitness.  Most of that time, I didn’t have an MP3 player.  I did manage to get a bike workout and a treadmill workout.  I used the treadmill workout yesterday and I really like it.  The membership is pricey or I’d still be a member.  I like that they use my own songs.  I like that I was challenged(doesn’t take much).  I didn’t go as fast at one point, I’m just not a fast walker.(4.5 is a jog for me,I don’t know why I don’t walk fast, I don’t think I’m short..am I)  I did walk at 4.0, but when she said to go up to 4.2, I stayed at 4.0.  I was shocked that I walked at 4.0…..aren’t you?  I did all of the inclines.  I definitely got my heart rate up. 

I bought a new pair of jeans over the weekend.  They are a size smaller!  I had bought a pair of jeans back at the beginning of December but they are just too loose.  I hate pulling my pants up while I walk.  I’ve also got to go shopping for shorts.  I know we’ve got snow on the ground, but I also know that the weekend’s forecast is calling for 70’s by the weekend.  It will be shorts weather before we know it!

SSOOOO SSLLOOOOOWWW February 10, 2008

This weight surely isn’t coming off as fast as it came on!

9 Days ago I had ONE pound to go to hit a loss of 50.  Today, I’ve got .5 left!  I’ve gained and lost the same 2 lbs so many times, I should be at my goal by now!

I have my dr. appt on Tuesday, hopefully I’ll be at my 50lb goal by then.  Tomorrow at the gym, I’m only doing cardio.  DH is going and he always makes me lift weights, (which makes me wonder why I’m having trouble losing, but that’s another post)

You Can Do’it January 30, 2008

I keep hearing that actor in those Adam Sandler movies saying “you can do’it”.  I am so close to my 50LB mark, just ONE lb to go!  Until this morning the scales hadn’t budged since Saturday.  That was the day that I made banana nut bread.  I did make it mostly with whole wheat flour(I ran out and had to use 1/4 of white flour) and I added 4T of ground flax seed to it.   I am glad that I didn’t go overboard, I only had a slice a day(thick slice).  I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any either.  I also didn’t do any exercising all weekend.

I have been spending a good amount of time at the gym.  DH was off the last 2 days and went to the gym w/me!  Monday, we did back and shoulders and yesterday we did legs.  I think that’s another reason the weight has slowed down.  I’m lifting weights again, which means less cardio on those days.  He’s at work today and tomorrow and I’ve got my cardio planned out.   I’ll spend 30 min on the elliptical, 20 min in the sauna and 30 min on the treadmill.  I’ve been reading that if you break up your work out with a 20 minute rest, you will get better results.  I also know ME, if I stop and go sit somewhere, I won’t get back to it.  The sauna works out great, I’m still at the gym and I haven’t cooled down, so I am able to just hop back into cardio.  I think the sauna is helping my complexion and the cold that I thought was trying to take over is gone!

I was pleased this morning to see 2lbs gone.  I was worried because we ate out last night for dinner.  I tried to do well, but the biscuits at the best little chicken place were so good that I had 2, but I didn’t put any honey on them!  When they brought out my half of a smoked chicken, I only ate the breast(DH had the fried chick).  I only had 1 spoonful of mashed ‘taters and I didn’t put any gravy on them.  The green beans seemed to be smothered in butter, so I didn’t have any of those.  AND, as much as I wanted to order banana pudding, I didn’t!

We ate dinner early ~ 4:45!  Then #2 had bball practice and I didn’t eat again the rest of the night!  DH had yogurt covered pretzels and I didn’t have any!  DH had almond joys and I didn’t have any!  It was weird, I didn’t want them so it wasn’t even hard to say NO!  I did give him a look and let him know that I worked too hard today to blow it on junk!  hehehe  (granted he’s lost 15lbs and I’ve lost 8 since the 7th~go figure!)

I weighed! January 25, 2008

I’m now down 47lbs!

I can see 50!  It’s just on the other side of the treadmill!

As soon as I see 50lbs down, I’ll only have 28lbs left to lose to hit my goal!  I’ve set a goal knowing that I’d re-evaluate once I hit it.  It’s been so long since I’ve been that low, heck-who am I kidding—-It’s been so long since I’ve been this low!  I think the last time I was this low was after I had #1—-12 years ago!  And even then, if I did see this weight, it wasn’t long.  At my 6 week check-up, I was put on that birth control shot and put 50lbs on in 6 months!  How’s that for over achieving?!

I’d like to have the 78lbs gone by May.  That was when I started my journey….this time around

I’m working out pretty regularly.  I’m at the gym on average 4 times a week, and I’m spending about an hour and a half while I’m there.  While I’m there, I’m taking 20 minutes for myself and sitting in the sauna with a magazine!  I’m also riding the recumbent bike and loving it!

Beginagain…again? January 17, 2008

So, it’s a new year!  I miss posting on here!  I really enjoy it.  I like using this as a sounding board!  It helps to get all of my thoughts out, as jumbled as they are.

I’ve got a few topics rambling around in my head.  I guess the main topic is weight.  Mine is starting to go down again.  Why is it so hard?  Do we want to start doing a “weighday” again?

I’ll spend about an hour at the gym this morning.  I’ll do 30 min on the treadmill, about 20 lifting weights, 20 on the elliptical and maybe 20 min in the sauna, depending on the time.  #3 has an appt this afternoon with a speech therapist, so I won’t be able to stay too long.

I’ve got to help #2 make his lunch.  He isn’t moving very fast this morning!  He’s trying to talk me into letting him buy his lunch today.  I hate letting him do that.  The lunch at our PS is a joke!  Just about everything is pre-packaged and frozen.  The ‘cooks’(term used lightly) don’t prepare anything.  They just open boxes and throw the food in a fryer or the oven.  There aren’t any choices.  1 heated up frozen entree, 1 canned side and a choice of juice cup or boxed milk.  YUCK.  I think he’d get a better lunch if I brought him SONIC!

Blood Sugar September 8, 2007

My blood sugar has been right where is should be for a while now. I hadn’t taken my byetta since the 24th of August and then I took it again the night before Labor Day. Labor Day I felt very weird. That was how I felt when I had first started taking the shot 4 months ago. I don’t like the way it made me feel. When I started taking it, I felt like that for about a week before my body adjusted to it. I don’t want to go through another week of that. It makes me feel lethargic and cloudy and I don’t exercise at all! I haven’t taken it since last Sunday night. I felt fine, but I was out of test strips so I didn’t know what my sugar really was. I refilled my strips yesterday and before dinner last night, my sugar was 110! I am very pleased.

My dr. said that she thought one of the reason I couldn’t lose weight back then was because my sugar was getting too high. Personally, I don’t think so. I was checking it about once a week back then and it was staying around 100. I do think that my sugar was one of the reasons that I gained the weight back so fast! I also think that keeping my sugar where it should be will help me not gain my weight back.

I am so scared that I will gain it all back! I talked with her about that at my last appt. I am learning what and how much to eat now. I know that when we order pizza, that I am only eating one slice. I know that is all I should eat! I know that I need to walk a minimum of 30 minutes a day, with a minimum of 3 days a week! She told me that my appts with her will still be monthly for a while after I get off the meds. She said if I start to gain weight back that there are plenty of options available. That is very comforting to me! I know that my weight will always be something I will have to work at. Anything worthwhile is, right?

Today’s The Day To Weigh August 30, 2007

Are you sitting?

39 pounds down!

I was hoping to lose 15 this month, but I’ll take my 11lb loss this month without any complaining!

I go to the dr tomorrow.  I always sabotage myself the day before I have to weigh at the dr’s office.  I think part of it does have to do with the fact that my monthly appts fall at the same time as PMS!  Granted PMS isn’t as bad as it used to be now that I’m taking progesterone.  BUT, I used the last of my cream on Mon, and didn’t go into town yesterday to pick up my script.  So, I’ve gone 2 days with out it.  I could really tell yesterday.  I wanted chips so bad!  I finally broke down and decided to go ahead and allow myself a handful.  When I finally found the bag, it was at Hubs desk.  That meant that he was playing his game while he was eating the chips.  He didn’t have bowl on the desk, that meant that he was sticking his hand in the bag.  I know how bad his keyboard needs to be cleaned.  His keyboard would make the How Clean Is Your House ladies gag!  Needless to say, I chose not to have any chips!

I’ve walked 3 days this week.  I haven’t walked to day, yet.  I am planning on walking at work today.  I’ll have to bring #’s1&3 with me, but I’m also bringing a movie.  It’s so hot at work.  When I’m there I’m so sweaty, I might as well hop on the treadmill after all of the moms leave!  I like their treadmills better!

Just the fact that I’m wanting to hit the 40lb mark by tomorrow’s dr appt will make sure I spend an hour on the treadmill!

It’s Thursday! August 23, 2007

35 POUNDS DOWN

I was so thrilled to see that number on the scale! I don’t really expet it to stay gone. I was very upset yesterday and only had 2 handfulls of pistachios around 10 yesterday morning, I did have water and Diet Dr. Pepper. So I know as soon as I eat something, I’ll put some of that back on.

I’ve walked 3 days in a row. I haven’t walked yet today. I’ve got to work, but I’ll try to get on the treadmill some time today. We bought that movie Hog Wild, I like to walk while I watch a movie, there aren’t any commercials to bore me, so I don’t stop early!

I got a message from my boss yesterday. It seems that I’m out of a job on the 15th. She and her DH have decided to close up shop! She asked if I knew of anyone who would like to lease it from them. I’ve thought about calling my old trainer and talking to him about it. I know I only work 6 hrs a week, but it’s the membership that I’m still wanting to use!

I’ll ask Hubs today if I can at least order the at home version of the conference. I think I really need it now. Let’s just say that I’m not very happy! I’m feeling very used, taken for granted, completely not appreciated and not even wanted. I feel like he is just letting me live here so he’ll have a live in nanny and maid. Oh, and one who doesn’t get vacations.

Just as I thought August 22, 2007

So, Hubs wakes up, and I’m here in the living room on the ‘puter. (he snores, I’ve been up since 4AM) Anyway, he moves around a bit and settles down on his ‘puter. He asks from the other room what I’m doing, and I let him know that I’m just looking around on the ‘puter. Then I ask him what he thinks about me going ahead and registering. That’s when he proceeds to tell me to do whatever I think I should do. He goes on to say that work is really slow right now, but if I think that a plane ticket and registration fees are what I need to spend money on instead of food/mortgage for the family, then go ahead.

THEN, he knows that last night I asked another lady to go to the gym and walk this morning. He heard me tell her that a certain time really didn’t matter, because Hubs is off today and I don’t have to go only when there was a sitter. SO, after he informs me that he might be losing his job and that I can’t go to the conference, he tells me that if I didn’t have plans with this other lady, that we could all go to the state park to walk.  It was almost 9AM, so I told him that since she hasn’t called, then she probably won’t be calling, so we go to the park to walk.  I got 40 min in!  I was upset during the walk, but still managed to stay under control.

I had all of my stabs going away at myself.  There really isn’t much he can say to me that I don’t say to myself.  How selfish I am, that I want to go away for 3 days and spend money that I didn’t even earn.  Honestly, who do I think I am?  I tell myself that this is my fate, I am an uneducated, overweight stay at home mom and that’s all there is to it.  The only thing that I can do is tend to my husband and my children.  This is my life and I’d better start getting used to and stop dreaming about having anything else.  At least for the next few years.  That is until he doesn’t need me to take care of the kids so he won’t have to.  Then, he’ll toss me out like yesterdays news.  He threatens to do that now anyway.

I calm down a bit by the time we get home.  We decide to run to town and fill a prescription, get some stuff for a b’day cake for one of #1’s friends, and I wanted to get #’s2&3 a hair cut.  As we get started with our running, he starts in.  I really can’t remember how he started it, but the next 2 hours were a nightmare.  He’s mad that I’m doing this cake for free.  I tried to explain why and he stops me as soon as I start talking and tells me that he doesn’t want to hear any of my stories.  He lets me know that I hurt him because I care more about doing this free cake than I do for the family. (basically the same lecture I got when I spent $20 on the fliers)  He didn’t let me tell him that the mom of this girl is the one who orders cakes for her work.   He didn’t let me tell him that she is looking for a new cake lady.  He just can’t believe that I didn’t give a second thought  about doing a free cake, while spending his money to do it.  He told me that I keep putting him in bad positions, I’m spending money left and right, he said, but I’m also complaining about the house being too small and that I can’t keep it clean because there isn’t a place for everything.  He asked what I think he should do, how he should feel.   He said he’s upset because I tell him he can’t provide for us, but I just blow any extra money we get.

THEN, he starts in on home schooling.  He lets me know that I never should have taken #1 out of school.  He wants to know what I want out of life in 1 year, 5 yrs, 10 yrs.  Then he gets mad because I say “I Don’t Know”.  I told him that I really don’t.  I told him that  I’ve never really thought about it, I told him that I didn’t think I had a choice, that because of #1, I thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything.  I know how hard it is for me not to lose my temper(as fast) with him, and he’s my own child, what’s going to happen when he’s got a teacher who doesn’t love him?  Then he gets on books/curric, What books have you bought?  When are you going to start school?  Your idea of home schooling is a joke, I guess we’ll just wait another 4 yrs until we can just make him get out and get a job.  There’s no way we’ll ever be able to put him back in school, you won’t teach him what he should be learning, he’ll be too far behind.  That was his reply when I told him that I wanted to mainly concentrate on “Introductory Logic”  Of course I plan on teaching the other subjects, but come on, the kid needs a good “Logic” course!

NOW, he’s asking how I’m expecting him to buy me a ticket/registration fee, books for #1, shoes for #2, hair cut for #3 and still buy groceries, pay car payment and mortgage.  He told me if I can figure it out to let him know first.

BUT, I remember a few weeks ago, he handed a guy $1000 in cash for a jeep.  This is a jeep that will soon need $1000 tires.  This jeep also just got a $200 gear shift replaced, and we had to drive 1.5hrs(one way) to take it to the shop.  AND while we were walking at the park today, he let me know that he’s wanting to sand it down and paint it a flat black or rhino line the whole thing.  Yes, when we went to look at the jeep and he asked me what I thought, I told him I was OK with it, but I didn’t want him to change the color.  AND, when he was about to buy it, he asked my opinion and I asked if it would interfere with my trip and he said no.

I had been feeling really good about myself the past couple of days.  I’m feeling so much better physically.  I can breathe again in clothes that I couldn’t even get over my butt a few months ago.  I’m walking regularly which makes me feel good also.  I hate this feeling of being on cloud nine only to go straight to the bottom of a shoe.

AND, it’s very rude of me to cry when he tries to talk about things.

I am trying to give him a little slack.  Yes, it’s apparent that he went out of his way to start a fight.  Today would have been his father’s b’day.  I’m curious if that has anything to do with it.  He never has grieved.  But, dammit.  I didn’t kill him!

Is this the work of the devil?  Is the conference that good?  I know we can afford for me to go.  I know we aren’t wealthy by any means, but I know we can swing $400 for me to do this.

Mom said yesterday that she really needs me to clean her house.  Her back is hurting her pretty bad, her feet are also.  She just can’t come home and clean after working all day.  She offered me $40 to clean and is wanting me to do it weekly.  Maybe that will pay for a ticket/registration.

Weight August 20, 2007

I’ve lost 6lbs since August 1.  I’m hoping to lose at least 15 by August 31.  If I can lose 15 this month, then 15 next month, then I’l have lost another 30lbs by the time the conference rolls around!  That will be 62lbs!  Then I’ll only need to lose another 13lbs to get to my goal!  Granted, when I get closer, I may raise or lower my goal.  Not sure yet, we’ll see.  It’s been so long since I’ve been at a healthy weight, I really don’t even know what that weight should be!

BUT, I think the conference is the perfect prize for the next 30lb loss!

I figure if I keep walking regularly, I should be able to hit my goal of losing 15lbs this month!

My arms are really getting flabby.  I need to start some toning exercises!