Do you think I’ll ever measure up in Hubs eyes? Each day he finds new ways of letting me know that I am unworthy of…well, anything. It’s not like I don’t ever get anything, but boy oh boy do I pay for what I get, even if it isn’t with cold hard cash.
This brings me to his latest showing of feelings. Hubs wants a truck. He wants to pull that jeep places instead of driving it. I understand this, the jeep isn’t what you would consider a “smooth ride” and the car of course can’t pull a trailer! Hubs found a truck that he likes. He’s talked with the bank and the payment will increase by $100 if he gets the truck. That is with $3000 down. The truck is very nice, it’s a duramax diesel with low miles. It’s got 4 full doors and every option you can imagine. There are other trucks out there that aren’t as fancy or new that we could afford easier. Hubs says that he doesn’t think we’d be able to finance them if the mileage or age is high.
BUT, I thought we were broke! I’m told daily that we don’t have any money. How are we going to come up with an extra $100 a month, PLUS the extra money in gas? Especially now that I won’t have a job after next friday! I know I only made about $75 a week, but that’s $300 a month LESS now.
He keeps telling me that I need to get a job. Where am I going to get a job? I’m an over weight, under educated MOM. Where will I get a job that will even pay for childcare for 2 kids? 3 kids when #2 isn’t in school. There’s a lady here in town, and she pays $120 a WEEK for childcare for ONE child! I’ve thought about applying at Target as a night stocker. That way, I wouldn’t have to put the kids in daycare. Granted that also means that I will be putting even more miles on my car, it’s got 167K already! Yep, it’s got that many miles! See, the plan when he bought his car last year was that when we paid it off, I’d drive that and we’d put the van down on a truck for Hubs.
Am I just being selfish? Should I just bite the bullet and get a job? Am I worrying about putting the kids in daycare too much?
Ok…I have to believe that you could get a job somewhere! So don’t put yourself down on that account. You are soon to be less than overweight and I am sure looking and feeling great physically right now.
Hubs is dealing with some sort of his own demon right now. I am thinking he is spending out of control because of something he is feeling inadequate about! I would love to know what that is and how to fix it, I just don’t. I think that is the same reason he is treating you very poorly right now. I don’t know what to do other that tell you to get some positive support for yourself. Do you do a daily devotional? I have just started one on Grace and it has been amazing for me! It is from Women of faith and has really shown me the last week that I need to look to God. I think it has totally helped with the start of school and some of the issues we have been going through.
I am really at a loss and so sad that this is happening to you! You have always been a positive, supportive, helpful and amazing Mom and Friend! I am just sick for you and all you are going through and know that you don’t deserve it! Don’t go there with him though and believe the stuff he says! You are way better than that. I wish I could hug you right now!
I’m sure I could get a job also. BUT, I’ve worked in the past and it’s not like me working changes anything. If a kid is sick, I’m the one who has to take off to be with them, take the to Dr appts, what have you, because he is the one with a REAL job, not me. When it comes to house work, again, I only worked 6 hours a day, and he (then) worked 8, so he still didn’t have to do anything around the house, because he had a real job and had to rest for the next day.
Even when I was working 30hrs a week, we were still broke! I was still told that one of these days I’d need to get a real job. We’ve always had one car payment and the house payment, plus the other bills. The main difference when I was working was the fact that we ate out a heck of a lot more than we do now, because a)I was tired from working ALL of my jobs, and b) because we had more money to BLOW. When you cook breakfast and lunch for 500 kids, the last thing you want to do is come home to cook and clean!
I should look into daily devotionals. I haven’t done one in a while.