God is Amazing :) September 13, 2007

I think the Son may be shining for me again!  Life hasn’t been a bed of roses lately.  I’ve tried to keep my focus.  Yes, I’ve lost my cool here and there.  I think I’ve kept my cool more than I’ve lost it, that’s a plus!

As you know, tomorrow is my last day at work.  The business is closing on Sat.  There is talk that a lady who used to teach up at work will want to hire me when her new place gets established.  However, that talk isn’t going to put gas in the tanks!  I’ve been working on not worrying about losing $300 a month.  I keep thinking of the verse that talks about worry.  About how if God takes care of the birds, why wouldn’t I think he’d take care of me also?  LUKE 12 : 22-32  I know that God knows what I need and will provide.  I do know the difference between needs and wants, although I like to think I need somethings that are really wants!  I also know that God has given me the ability to help myself.  Along with the above verse, I also think about a sermon that our preacher did.  There was a flood, a man wouldn’t leave his house because God was going to save him.  The story goes on, with plenty of opportunities for the man to make it to dry land; boats, helicopters, etc.  Every time an opportunity arose, the man would say the same thing.  “God will save me”  In the story, the man drowns to death.  When he gets to heaven he asks God why He didn’t save him.  God answers ~ “What do you think I was trying to do?  I spoke through your wife when she asked you to leave with her before the flood waters rose, I was the neighbor down the street who offered you a ride in the boat, I was the helicopter rescue worker who sent down a basket for you to climb in.”

Yep, I stay conflicted in my head most days!

SO, deep down, I feel that I am supposed to be at home with #1.  I don’t know what God has planned for our lives 3 years down the road.  I just know that I KNOW God wants me right here where I am.  I do know that God has placed the odd jobs that I’ve held lately in my path for certain reasons.  I am thankful for the extra income they have provided.  I don’t think it is a coincidence that they last just long enough or only take certain hours out of my day and still provide me with enough time to tend to the house and family.  I whole-heartedly believe that these opportunities have been the work of God.  Honestly, this job that I’m about to lose, the owner of the business hadn’t spoken with me in 2 months, then one day, a week after Hubs and I chose to HS #1 and needed to buy HS books, the phone rings and it’s the owner asking me if I would like a job ~ Who else could orchestrate that?

Even though I’ve been working on not worrying, I’m still human and the thought of losing $300 a month crosses my mind, more than a few times a day!  I think about birthdays coming up and Christmas and our anniversary.  I guess, life in general.

Here’s the Amazing God part:

Hubs called me at work today to let me know that one of the supervisors that works the night shift got fired.  Hubs will be taking turns with the other 2 supervisors on filling that shift until a new supervisor is hired and trained.  Hubs will be working overtime at least until the first of the year.  He’s got the seniority, so it’s up to him how much of the OT he gets.

Now, what do you think?  Coincidence?  I think NOT!

Is It Wrong….. September 12, 2007

I haven’t poisoned Hubs…yet, but, is is wrong to wash his clothes in HOT water?

Hubs should get his newest toy today, maybe tomorrow.  He was actually decent last night.  That was a very welcomed break.  He tells me that I’m spoiled and that I pout and make life miserable for everyone around me if I don’t get my way.  From the way he’s acted the past few months, I think he must be talking about himself.  He decided a few months ago that he wanted a bike or something to get muddy.  He wanted it then.  But he had to sell the toy he had in order to get something else.  After he got his new toy, he realized that he needed something to pull it with.  That involved another big decision.  Now that decision has been made, which leads one last decision.  He’s got to buy a trailer!  There’s a family here in town who sells trailers.  Hubs may have found the one he wants.  Maybe he’ll be able to relax and be a little nicer to us when he gets that.

It does hurt that he doesn’t mind spending $1600 on a trailer.  It also hurts that all 3 new toys are only in Hubs name.  But after living the way we’ve been living the past few months, I don’t care how much money he spends if it means that he’ll  finally be nice.  I will even settle for just being left alone.  Anything will be better than the way he’s been picking fights lately.

Maybe things will get better soon?

Measuring Up September 9, 2007

Do you think I’ll ever measure up in Hubs eyes?  Each day he finds new ways of letting me know that I am unworthy of…well, anything.  It’s not like I don’t ever get anything, but boy oh boy do I pay for what I get, even if it isn’t with cold hard cash.

This brings me to his latest showing of feelings.  Hubs wants a truck.  He wants to pull that jeep places instead of driving it. I understand this, the jeep isn’t what you would consider a “smooth ride” and the car of course can’t pull a trailer!  Hubs found a truck that he likes.  He’s talked with the bank and the payment will increase by $100 if he gets the truck.  That is with $3000 down.  The truck is very nice, it’s a  duramax diesel with low miles.  It’s got 4 full doors and every option you can imagine.  There are other trucks out there that aren’t as fancy or new that we could afford easier.  Hubs says that he doesn’t think we’d be able to finance them if the mileage or age is high.

BUT, I thought we were broke!  I’m told daily that we don’t have any money.  How are we going to come up with an extra $100 a month, PLUS the extra money in gas?  Especially now that I won’t have a job after next friday!  I know I only made about $75 a week, but that’s $300 a month LESS now.

He keeps telling me that I need to get a job.  Where am I going to get a job?  I’m an over weight, under educated MOM.  Where will I get a job that will even pay for childcare for 2 kids?  3 kids when #2 isn’t in school.  There’s a lady here in town, and she pays $120 a WEEK for childcare for ONE child!  I’ve thought about applying at Target as a night stocker.  That way, I wouldn’t have to put the kids in daycare.  Granted that also means that I will be putting even more miles on my car, it’s got 167K already!  Yep, it’s got that many miles!  See, the plan when he bought his car last year was that when we paid it off, I’d drive that and we’d put the van down on a truck for Hubs.

Am I just being selfish?  Should I just bite the bullet and get a job?  Am I worrying about putting the kids in daycare too much?

Blood Sugar September 8, 2007

My blood sugar has been right where is should be for a while now. I hadn’t taken my byetta since the 24th of August and then I took it again the night before Labor Day. Labor Day I felt very weird. That was how I felt when I had first started taking the shot 4 months ago. I don’t like the way it made me feel. When I started taking it, I felt like that for about a week before my body adjusted to it. I don’t want to go through another week of that. It makes me feel lethargic and cloudy and I don’t exercise at all! I haven’t taken it since last Sunday night. I felt fine, but I was out of test strips so I didn’t know what my sugar really was. I refilled my strips yesterday and before dinner last night, my sugar was 110! I am very pleased.

My dr. said that she thought one of the reason I couldn’t lose weight back then was because my sugar was getting too high. Personally, I don’t think so. I was checking it about once a week back then and it was staying around 100. I do think that my sugar was one of the reasons that I gained the weight back so fast! I also think that keeping my sugar where it should be will help me not gain my weight back.

I am so scared that I will gain it all back! I talked with her about that at my last appt. I am learning what and how much to eat now. I know that when we order pizza, that I am only eating one slice. I know that is all I should eat! I know that I need to walk a minimum of 30 minutes a day, with a minimum of 3 days a week! She told me that my appts with her will still be monthly for a while after I get off the meds. She said if I start to gain weight back that there are plenty of options available. That is very comforting to me! I know that my weight will always be something I will have to work at. Anything worthwhile is, right?

A Day Late, A Pound Down September 7, 2007

Yep, I’m down 41 lbs now.  I actually lost this pound at the begining of the week, and just haven’t lost anymore since.  Yes, I would have liked to have lost more last week, but one pound is super-dee-duper!  Especially considering that I didn’t exercise as I should have and I have just finished my bloating week!  Hopefully I’ll loose 3 next week, to keep my 2lb a week average.

I did get 30 min in this morning.  Hubs works all weekend, so since I’ll be up at 5:30AM tomorrow and Sunday, I’ll get an hour each day!

FORTY POUNDS September 1, 2007

Doesn’t that sound great? I’m just about halfway! I want to lose another 41 pounds.

40 pounds, Forty Pounds, F.O.R.T.Y.P.O.U.N.D.S.

Thank you, Jesus!